It’s early December and you’re in the thick of holiday season. You’re dreading going home and hearing your family’s comments on your weight, lack of romantic partner, job, etc. It makes you feel small and like you’re still a child. You know how this will go, because it’s the same year after year.
There are reasons family dynamics continue to follow the same old patterns. Your responses to your family were developed over time, during a critical period in your development. Your attachment style and ways of relating to the people and world around you developed in this very environment. When there are sustained attachment injuries during childhood that have not been healed, your nervous system will continue to respond the same way it always has, leading you to behave the same ways you always have (shut down, yell, leave, etc.). Even though you are a boss in your personal and professional life now, when you visit your family, it’s hard to harness that part of yourself.
What if you had the tools to manage your family stress during the holidays this year?
What if, instead of responding from that childlike or teenage part of yourself, you could embody the adult you are?
The truth is, there is not enough time from the start of December until Christmas or Hanukkah to do deep healing before those holidays this year. But there is still time to bring awareness to these patterns and discuss new strategies for managing difficult family members or hurtful comments. And there is time in the new year for deep healing of the early attachment wounds that reopen when you’re in your childhood environment.
What does this look like in practice?
Short-term goal: Develop strategies to manage family stressors and triggers during the holidays
In therapy before the holidays this year, we will focus on short-term goals. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) interventions support identifying and changing your responses to the internal thoughts, beliefs, and emotions/bodily sensations that come up when you think about the hurtful comments you’ve heard and are likely to hear during the holidays. Understanding what comes up for you and how you typically respond is an important first step.
The next step is identifying how you would want to respond in the future. Do you want to walk away? Is there a boundary you can put in place? And then, what strategies and techniques do you need to be able to do that? Identifying those behaviors and developing ways to regulate your nervous system will be the focus of your first few weeks and even first few months of therapy.
Long-term goal: Heal from the attachment wounds that lead to erupting or isolating
You can employ strategies to change your own behavior and self-regulate, but if you want to feel less triggered with your family or when similar dynamics play out in other relationships, you’ll need to do deeper healing work. This is where we’ll use trauma-focused interventions, like Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). These interventions aren’t only relevant for acute traumas, but heal the sustained injuries your nervous system experienced over time. This is the work we’ll focus on over the next year so that the 2026 holiday season not only looks different, but feels better.
FAQ About Therapy to Heal Family Wounds
Do I have enough time to engage in therapy with the holidays coming so quickly?
Yes, there is always time for therapy! And the sooner you reach out, the more likely you can get started before you see your family. To get the most of out of therapy before the holidays, I recommend filling out intake paperwork as thoroughly as possible so that you can hit the ground running in your first session.
How can therapy help me with my family stress before the holidays?
The initial session will still involve history taking, but my history taking and initial assessment process will involve developing an understanding of your family dynamics and how you want this year to be different. We’ll start discussing your internal and behavioral responses from the very first session and explore opportunities to self-regulate and bring self-awareness and intention to how you respond.
What can I expect when I see my family?
Be realistic about your expectations. In a couple of sessions, we can prepare you to see your family and develop some tools. That said, don’t expect to respond perfectly or to find a sense of calm with every difficult interaction. The goal is to exert initial changes now and continue healing when you return to therapy after the holidays.